She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
