I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
