he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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