I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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