I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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