As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
