dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You took a bar mat shot.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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