The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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