all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
