she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
