when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
