i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think my moral compass just broke
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
