theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
