Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
