and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
