Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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