I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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