i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
