Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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