I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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