You made me cry and you don't even care
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
