Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
