I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
