who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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