Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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