I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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