im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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