the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
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I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
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She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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