I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
