I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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