Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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