I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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