yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
