Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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