WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
