Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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