she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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