I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
