I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
