No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
