I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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