at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
