please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
