And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
