Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
