If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
