nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
