Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
