woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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