I think my fart just growled at me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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