dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
