I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize