i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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