Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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