I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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