i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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