Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
