You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
