Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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