Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
