Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
splinters make it hard to masturbate
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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