some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
