Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
