we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
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