Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
