dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
