I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
