i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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