I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
