So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
