she looked like the before picture.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
