1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
