I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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