Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
