Yo dont text me then not text me
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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