why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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