omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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