Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
