we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
