I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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