Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
