I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
