some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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