Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
